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Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time by Stephen A. Mitchell

The Fate Of Romance Over Time (Book Review) —a book on romantic love. Probably not—but I can be empathic to the creative task Stephen chose for. the fate of romance over time. by Mitchell, Stephen A., Publication date Topics Man-woman relationships, Love, Interpersonal Relations, Love, Men. The Fate of Romance over Time Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks.

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Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Preview — Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time really liked it 4. Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous.

What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect oursel Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A.

Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. Paperbackpages.

Published February 17th by W. Norton Company first published To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Can Love Last? Roger I read this book a few years ago now Can love last the fate of romance over time I recall it was basically around building friendships within your closest partner. That you must keep …more I read this book a few years ago now but I recall it was basically around building friendships within your closest partner.

That you must keep spontaneity alive, often by putting yourself out of your comfort zone as with keeping your life 'interesting' by engaging in new hobbies and reading new books etc you should also do these things within your relationship. I found it to help me not only with intimate sexual partnerships but also platonic relationships too. See 1 question about Can Love Last? Lists with This Book.

This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Jan 29, Princessjay rated it really liked it Shelves: A neo-psychoanalytical take on the vicissitude of love and romance. Mitchell's foundation argument is, romance requires spontaneity and uncertainty. We contain within our psyche simultaneously the longing for romance and adventure, as well the craving for stability and predictability, which in turn stifles romantic love.

The more we love someone, the more we let them in to know us beneath our skin, the greater risk of unbearable pain at potential rejection.

Most of us are wired to contain and le A neo-psychoanalytical take on the vicissitude Can love last the fate of romance over time love and romance.

Most of us are wired to contain and lessen risks in our life, therefore as soon as we have romantic love, we immediately begin the process Can love last the fate of romance over time deconstructing its power over us, in the process, killing its vital spark. If we carefully examine our preconscious, even unconcious motivations -- things often overlooked in our busyness and business of living life -- we can see all the ways in which we strive to take the uncertainty OUT of our established relationships.

How we do so: I think I agree. The truth is, none of us can ever be known thoroughly because we are not static beings, but more an ever-unfolding story. Similarly, the relationship between two people are not static, but an unfolding story between two dynamic entities. For romantic love and passion to exist and last requires conscious decision, enormous personal strength to cultivate and withstand continuous uncertaintyand self-knowledge.

Not everyone is up for this. In fact, I think most people are disturbed by the notion that they or others are indefinable, unknowable; even angered Can love last the fate of romance over time the sheer amount of effort involved in keeping romance alive. We mostly just want to get on with the business of living, and are perfectly fine living vicariously via movies, books, and the lives of celebrities. Yet I think this is an adventure well Can love last the fate of romance over time of pursuit.

Jun 03, Dolly rated it it was amazing Shelves: I have read a lot of books about relationships and love. This is the best without a question. It is a serious study, not a self-help crap about how to get married. This is real, so real it can hurt, but it will give you so much perspective.

It is a must. Stephen Mitchell of course is a psychoanalyst, one of the most important of the 20thst Century, so he knows that he is talking about. Oct 22, Kent rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: Although its more of a philosophical than a self-help book. I skipped around to cherry-pick the case studies and then ended up re-reading the whole book from the beginning.

I like his idea that passion in long term relationships doesn't dissipate because of familiarity -- the conventional wisdom -- but because it's risky to experience reckless physical abandon with somebody that you depend on for emotional and material stability.

But what is the solutio this book is really good, very accessible. But what is the solution? I wish he had spend more time on recommending ways to fix things. Instead he says simply to avoid doing what you usually do -- to avoid habitual action and see what happens next. There's no way to force it. Mar 19, Robert Downes rated it it was amazing Shelves: Mitchell narrates the dilemmas of intimacy, love and relationship. He doesn't answer the question for us, he just opens up the territory for our exploration.

Jul 26, rogue rated it it was amazing. Perhaps a better question is: And then we must ask: Why do human beings so desperately want things to last? Why are we so afraid of loss, of pain, of heartbreak, of our own fragile mortality? It's especially poignant that Stephen Mitchell's posthumous book opens with a loving foreword by his widow, Margaret Black.

She remembers him as wonderful husband and a brilliant thinker, always questioning the rules and resisting comfortable, static answers. How perfect then that the title Perhaps a better question is: How perfect then that the title of the book is a question! Mitchell's approach is one of constant enrichment: Whatever is lost by an answer which might shatter our paradigms, which might "dethrone" man or God or any other idol from the center of the universe, is there to be gained back manifold by asking new questions.

Like an eternal onion, the world can never be completely unpeeled, but we can enjoy the unpeeling. If only we could treat our idea of love and our love for our partners in a similarly fearless fashion. But, according to S. Mitchell, love is the most scary and risky thing of all, way scarier than death!

You don't get a choice with death, but love brings out all of our demands. It terrifies our ego to truly admit how much we need the other person. To protect ourselves, we create illusions of stability and permanence. We form patterns that we can understand and control. We fashion a home of our partners and cling to it with all our might, stifling true interaction, risk, and intimacy.

In the process, we consider our partner boring and become so ourselves. We may even come to view our initial idealization as foolish infatuation, because this is much safer than revealing the true vulnerability of our hearts.

And we do this all on purpose, whether we know it or not! Knowing it, though, gives us the chance to try to stop the process of degrading our love and our beloved. It can give us an acceptance without resignation of our own tendencies and a higher aspiration to work through them. In reading Can Love LastI get a glimpse of the many traps that our frailty leads us fall into, and an idea of a more real life, a more real love whose hem I can catch for Can love last the fate of romance over time moment or two It is this fleeting dream of another beautiful castle built upon all of our fallen illusions that gives me hope A tall order -- but such is life.

Thank you, Stephen Mitchell, for this beautiful book. He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity's sun rise. Jul 31, Vic rated it really liked it. Written by a prolific psychoanalyst, this book describes and explains some of the pitfalls people encounter and essentially create for themselves in their romantic relationships.

It's not a self-help book because it doesn't tell you what you should do to avoid these pitfalls or what you should do to necessarily improve your relationships.

Instead, it gives you the knowledge of these pitfalls and you have to figure out what to do with that knowledge. Which is more meaningful and interesting to me Written by a prolific psychoanalyst, this book describes and explains some of the pitfalls people encounter and essentially create for themselves in their romantic relationships.

Which is more meaningful and interesting to me. Jun 04, Matt rated it it was amazing Shelves:

Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Preview — Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time really liked it 4. Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A.

Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous.

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